Amy Schumer returned for her second hosting stint on Saturday Night Live, and she used her monologue to highlight how her standup has changed since tying the knot earlier this year.
“Some people are like, ‘What are you gonna talk about now in your standup? All you talked about was getting railed,’” the I Feel Pretty star joked of her signature raunchy routines.
“I’m a little sad. I’m never gonna get a ‘You Up?’ text again,” admitted the 36-year-old comedian, who married chef Chris Fischer in February just days after making their relationship Instagram official.
Schumer joked in her monologue that Fischer’s proposal was “worthless.”
“It was a dumb proposal. It was the morning. I was still asleep. He threw the box at me and said ‘I got you this,’” she explained.
“But that’s a realistic proposal,” Schumer admitted, comparing it to movie proposals where the women are “shocked” to find the guy proposing even likes them.
RELATED: Get the lowdown on the Emmys with EW’s new CHASING EMMY podcast
Schumer also lamented having to be a bridesmaid (in six Long Island weddings, no less) in her late-thirties.
“I’m always standing there in my Grecian gown with, like, my aging cleavage, with a Coachella flower thing,” she said, gesturing to her head. “You’re just standing there in a line of bridesmaids, just hoping you don’t have the biggest arm.”
Schumer finished up her monologue by further proving marriage hadn’t turned her into a cleaner comedian, joking about how asking for a free tampon in a gym locker room turned into having to admit the size of her vagina to strangers.
She also shared the naughty reason people should bring tissues to her new movie (hint: not for their tears).